Mom of a child recently diagnosed with autism

I am not a mother of an autistic child, but I am a mom and I understand wanting the best for your child and feeling like sometimes I missed out when they handed out the handbook on the hows and whys of parenting. I witnessed the struggle of a friend (a mom with an autistic son) the hoops she was made to jump through in order to get treatment and support for her son. I would suggest googling, Autism Support Texas, several very good sites come up (I looked at several and if you want to have him evaluated sooner than next year look into CARES at Texas State University at San Marcos). I would also suggest looking in the Autism diet, while it may not sound like something that is worth the time and effort, I saw the change in my friend's son once he was on the diet.

With every issue there are a million rabbit holes to follow, set aside a set amount of time each day to do your research and keep very specific notes with the names, numbers and info received from each organization you talk to, this will help you stay organized.

I know it must be so frustrating to not feel like your husband isn't pulling his fair share of the work, but do your best to look at him as a partner, not your enemy. Parenting is stressful enough on a marriage, add an additional issue in and the pressure can become to much, take time to work and strengthen your relationship, build up, don't tear each other down.

Feel free to message me anytime.

Hugs-
CK

Mechell

You do sound frustrated and very concerned about the financial aspect of getting your child what he needs. ASD resources are out there. http://www.autismvotes.org/site/c.frKNI3PCImE/b.4051579/k.BD66/Texas.htm

Check it out i'm sure also if you call a social worker, maybe through the state's welfare office they can give you some direction on who you can speak to.

There are a lot of resources out there for children with ASD, i'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. Firstly, it is very difficult to deal with especially if you feel so alone. I understand that your husband and family aren't giving you the support you need. So, it's so wonderful you're reaching out to other parents who do understand and can offer you that much needed support. ASD is not the end of the world, so please never feel discouraged. With a child who is on the ASD spectrum I understand how you're feeling. There are ton of experimental methods, most though are not peer reviewed nor SAFE. I do not recommend you try any type of therapy unless it is recommended by an AUTISM SPECIALIST.

It's natural to want to "fix" what we don't fully understand. You'll often feel like you can do more, or would if you tried this, did I do that? Did I cause this? IT'S NATURAL, to feel guilt, worry and especially want to make it all better. You can't. You wont...and you shouldn't feel like you can master the what science can't even fully explain! God gave you a gift! As a parent you're going to go through a whirl wind of emotions, and you're very right to be concerned about your spouse. Remember to listen to him, not judge him if he handles things differently. He will not process things just as you may expect, but that doesn't mean he isn't as "emotional" as you on this. Every one handles things differently and while we some times forget that it's best to focus on what we're doing. we can control how we react, not others, we can also do our best to try to communicate effectively. :)

Take time for the both of you and relax! Don't worry about things you can't control. Work on communication, try to find resources, but also don't forget to enjoy YOURSELF! Enjoy your SPOUSE & all the same things you did before the diagnoses! I know it's difficult but you do need to learn how to relax.

If you need extra support join a support group offline, talk to a pastor, a counselor or social worker. There are many groups available for parents just like you who understand not exactly how you feel, but they understand the struggle that comes with the diagnoses. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing the best you can and relax and enjoy each day :)
Make sure that you make a small effort each day and find something you enjoy just for yourself. Come back and tell us how you're feeling. If you still feel down, then don't be afraid to seek other help. There is NO SHAME in having your feelings. :)

Good luck & best wishes! You're already doing all you can! Take it one day at a time.

Love everyone's comments!! Way to go Moms! Texas is known for having a lot of DAN doctors that believe in heavy metal therapy and fixing the diet. Although ABA (applied Behavior Analaysis) is the only research proven method known to treat autism - it often is unaffordable. I live in CA and recently there was a settlement. Insurance Companies are mandated to pay for ABA now. We have achieved this but it has taken over a year to get re-imbursed. We used all of the money we had saved to buy a house to pay for our daughters therapy.

I'm not sure how friendly TX is to funding ABA through insurance but many states are changing. If you could find a good ABA provider in your area - then you could get a few books by Autism Partnership--- They have written a few good ones that give parents the tools to do small things in every day life so it is manageable. No doubt Autism takes over your life and it is hard to wrap your arms around. A work in Progress was a good book I read, but also crafting connections (a social skills book for high functioning kids which it sounds like your child is). When my daughter was first diagnosed I read Overcoming Autism by Lynn Koegel - it is a good one.

remember to take a deap breath every day and not run faster than you have strength - we are all in this race and it is a marathon not a sprint.

Best luck! hope that helps!

I am about to become the stepmom to a 3 1/2 year old we are working on getting diagnosed. I do live in Texas. I have the great benefit of having a school district with a very good Special Ed dept who has set up evaluations for next month. I was told, if he is diagnosed, to contact places like Children's Miracle Network to see about financial assistance. You aren't going to break from this (trust me, my fiance and I think that on a daily basis). I think you need to talk to your husband and let him know you need his emotional support. I had that talk with my fiance and made a huge break through to him once he saw how worried and stressed out I was. Hang in there. Keep checking back with the school, especially with the Special Ed dept in your district. Keep putting pressure on them to get an evaluation done. Don't give up, no matter how many "No"s you get. Your son deserves the help, and somebody will eventually say "Yes" to you. Also, I don't know much about them, but check into Steps2Strides. They might, at the very least, have resources to help you.

I am about to be the step-mother of a 9 year old, high functioning autistic boy. At first, I was extremely intimidated by the idea of taking that on, but over time, I've seen how wonderful he is, and I wouldn't have him any other way. It is a challenge, and at times, overwhelming, especially when dealing with schools and people who don't understand. The best advice I've gotten is to make time for yourself and your husband alone together, so that you don't loose sight of each other, to make time for yourself to do things you enjoy and relax, and keep as regular a schedule as possible for him.

I can't say that I know much about classic autism. Before I met my fiance, I didn't know anything about autism at all, and since meeting him, all my research has been on high functioning autism. In the end, you are your sons greatest resource, you will understand him better than any school teacher or therapist or doctor. You will know what he needs, and what doesn't apply. Do all the research you can.

Encourage your husband to be open with you. Explain to him what you are feeling, and that you want to be a team with him. It sounds to me like he is internalizing a lot of his emotions and doesn't know how to express it. Tell him that you can't do this alone, and you need his support. And take time to be alone together, it is crucial to keeping your relationship alive.